Passion vs Crazy: How Women are Often Misunderstood

She’s crazy. She’s psycho. She’s just a crazy bitch who wants to make my life miserable.

All too often, women are misunderstood. Yes, we are emotional creatures, but the way we channel those emotions is often misunderstood.

I’m often called crazy. My ex-husband and his family seem to delight in telling anyone who will listen, what an unstable person I am. What they fail to see, though, is that some of these things they are labelling as crazy is really just passion.

For example, I’m in the middle of trying to lock down a solid co parenting schedule with my ex-husband. He is a tough person to communicate with. Everything eventually ends up in a fight. I feel like we can’t even discuss something as trivial as pickup and drop off times for our children without it dissolving into something different.

Let me tell you, this is nothing new to me. We have struggled to communicate with each other since long before the divorce, so I know I’m fighting an uphill battle with this man. His favorite insult to me is that I’m a psychopath. Or, his new favorite, I’m harassing him.

Any mother knows for sure that, when dealing with the well-being of the children, there’s no topic in the world that will get her heated more than someone trying to hurt their children. It doesn’t have to be something as dramatic as physical abuse, but just general selfishness can easily turn a civil conversation on its end.

I have a passion for my children. They are the reason I get up in the morning, go to work, and maintain some semblance of stability at my home. It’s not because I necessarily want to spend my time off work running errands, helping with homework, or taking care of whatever need might arise.

Of course I want to be selfish at times; however, my passion towards the well-being of my children will always override those feelings.

I voice my opinion. I refuse to be silent…

So, now I’m crazy because I’m getting upset by our lack of communication. I’m not rude, or demeaning. I don’t resort to idle threats or name calling. If you think for a second that I’m going to back down from making sure our children are in a healthy environment, you’ve got another thing coming.

I voice my opinion. I refuse to be silent when there are needs not being fulfilled. I’m not talking about the whims of the typical child, I’m talking about the basics. Providing a safe environment, healthy meals, homework. In short, just the necessities.

Women, especially strong women with strong opinions, are misrepresented as crazy. That label is damaging to women. We are constantly told we are difficult to love, hard to understand, and out of control.

Control? Really? Where, in a healthy relationship, is there a need to control another?  I don’t need anyone to control me. If I want to speak my mind, I’m going to. If I decide to be vocal about an opinion or topic that I’m passionate about, I’m going to. Being an independent, strong woman is never crazy. Protecting the people I love, will never be crazy to me.

People in unhealthy relationships will often resort to tactics, like gaslighting or manipulation to make the other person believe she is crazy.

I was gaslighted for years, both while married and, especially, after I was divorced. He constantly tried to convince me that I was the crazy bitch he was making me out to be. At some point in my marriage, I actually believed this to be true.

I was manipulated into believing that my actions were crazy. I started to question my own sanity and would often second guess my own intuition.

You know that little feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you something is off? I stopped listening to that feeling and started internalizing the opinions of an abusive spouse and an uncaring mother.

He made me feel unworthy, like I was the world’s worst mother, wife, friend, daughter, and one horrible human being.

Horrible, huh? I worked seven days a week, operating my own business so that our family could succeed. I took care of the children and the house when someone equally as capable had made the conscious choice to not even help.

I even went as far as to stand by this man as he sued my family’s business. Because of my passion for my little family unit, I lost a lot of people very close to me. I chose to stand by him even when my gut was telling me this was wrong.

I’m a good woman. I was a loyal and loving wife…

I’m not ashamed of standing by my family. I hold my head high when the topic comes up because I know that my passion for my family was coming from a good place. I’m proud of the fact that I stood my ground, as a woman, a mother, and a wife. Loyalty is something that seems to be missing from our society lately. Never apologize for being a woman of integrity.

I’m a good woman. I was a loyal and loving wife, and I thought that was what a good spouse was supposed to do. When you have children with someone, those children are your first priority, and, by default, your spouse as well.

Women with that much fire are often dismissed. The reason why they are dismissed is because those fiery women are just at a different level. A lot of men can’t handle a strong woman. They feel threatened by our passion. Passion is a tough thing to control because it is such a strong emotion that it almost has a mind of its own.

I’ve been told that people, especially other women, see me as a little bit intimidating. I’m confident, strong, fearless, and passionate. Those are qualities that all women should strive for. Those are qualities I hope to bring out in my daughters. They deserve a life where they are heard, and their own passions are respected.

Having strong opinions doesn’t make anyone crazy. It’s a total double standard, and I’m not trying to complain here, but, if I were a man, I would be respected for being strong and bold.

Today, I have accepted that what other people say about me, doesn’t define who I am as a person. He tried, with malicious intent, to break my spirit. Yet, here I stand, unbroken and stronger than ever.

I’m not going to sit here and make you believe that I didn’t break. I did. I was very broken and my healing process has been a journey to say the least. I was self-destructive, guilt ridden, and felt worthless. He pounced on that energy and used it to gaslight me into believing I was a person unworthy of happiness, stability, and love. I would constantly question my worth.

I focused on my priorities, and fell back in love with myself. It wasn’t easy. At times, I didn’t think I could do it. I found my strength. I love the person I am now. I fought to be this person because my passion for my own happiness is there. I found strength in my moments of weakness. I’ve cut off toxic people, and have surrounded myself with people who actually enjoy watching me succeed.

There are people out there, probably in your own life right now, who crave your passion. They are the people worthy of you investing your time and energy on. I inspire them now. Some of these are the same people who have seen me at my worst. They have watched my journey, and are enjoying the person I am today.

Never apologize for being passionate. You are not crazy. Let me repeat myself, you are not crazy. You just have too much fire for the average person. Don’t be afraid to burn. Don’t be afraid of the ashes, because what comes out of them is so much better than you even realize when you’re at your lowest.