10 Sings You’re In Love with a Narcissist

Your relationship with a narcissist will be nothing short of manic.

it will be completely addictive. 

 In fact, more addictive in nature than any other relationship you’ve ever experienced in the past.

Why? It’s fairly simple. A narcissist isn’t capable of having a normal relationship. The narcissist will only have a relationship that fits their terms. They don’t share. Narcissists are frustratingly charming and charismatic. They are the type who will sweep you off your feet because YOU are the prize they are after.

Every girl wants to be swept off their feet. We’ve been conditioned from and early age to look for our version of Prince Charming. How many women have romanticized this ideal man from such and early age? Many more than we really want to admit.

The problem here is that the narcissist will only extend these gestures of love, attention, or romance in the way that best suits their needs. Ultimately, they put you in a position where you become submissive to their needs.

If the narcissist wants sex, he gets it. If he doesn’t, prepare yourself to be bombarded with a flood of guilt fed accusations that you’re frigid, don’t find him attractive, or that you’re secretly in love with someone else.

It’s their high and it’s better than any drug on the market.

What this does, ultimately, is put you on the defensive. You’re put in a position to have to defend your loyalty. If you don’t meet the narcissist on his terms, you are made to feel unworthy of his love or attention. You are made to feel like less of a woman because you are unwilling to cater to his every need.

There are no shortage of articles about narcissism. It’s more common than you might think. I was in love with a narcissist, and I can tell you it was overwhelmingly unsatisfying, yet completely addictive at the same time. How this is possible is something that still escapes me to this day.

Narcissists are master manipulators. Their goal is to objectify their partners and leave you in a place where your own self-worth and dignity are next to nothing. That’s when they truly get the control they are after.

1. They Never Apologize…Ever

Sure you might get a half-hearted, “I’m sorry” from a narcissist if it fits their goals. Maybe they really don’t want to fight with you because it’s not convenient for them at the time. Maybe they just want to get in your pants. The reasoning behind it is always self-serving, but they are not sorry for their actions.

In fact, their inner monologue is telling them what a horrible person you are and how someone like you is lucky enough to have someone as patient and understanding as them in your life.

2. They Need to Control Everything

The narcissist will work very hard to put themselves in a position of control. Once they have it, then things really start to change. It’s at this point that they will constantly play themselves as the victim in any situation.

They will prey on your need to care for them, because, at this point, they have made themselves your world. Since the narcissist is now your world, you don’t want to fail them and you will find yourself in this deadly cycle of manipulation at their hands. Trust me friends, this cycle is very, very difficult to break.

3. They Are Abusive

This abuse won’t necessarily be in the form of physical abuse. However, if it does, get out of there. If it happens once, I guarantee it will happen again.

Most narcissists start this pattern with emotional abuse. For example, they will take a major event from your past, where you still harbor guilt, and exploit it for their needs. They will abuse you with this, hurting you with their words. They will make your guilt the focal point, bringing this event up constantly and using it as a way to make you focus on that guilt and internalize it. You will eventually begin to believe that you are that horrible person they always say you are.

Your emotions and feelings will be trivialized, and you will be called names for not possessing the strength that they obviously have.

4. They Think You Are Stupid

When you argue with a narcissist, it is their goal to point out how intellectually superior they are to you in every way. Your thoughts and emotions on a particular subject are never validated. Your thoughts are invalid because you aren’t smart enough to comprehend what they are trying to explain to you.

Narcissists love to talk down to you. They love to point out every flaw in your argument. They especially love to argue semantics. You might use a word the wrong way and they will quickly use that to point out how stupid you are. Nobody on the planet is as smart as a narcissist, so (in their mind) it’s pointless to even try to argue. They just want you to accept what they are saying as gospel and get in line.

The narcissist will always talk at you instead of to you. Any conversation with them will be controlled, since they are the ultimate expert on whatever topic you might be trying to discuss.

5. They Use Sex As A Tool

Sex almost always is used with some sort of ulterior motive behind it. They are incapable of forming an emotional connection. For the narcissist, sex is an outlet to meet a basic need. It is often done without passion. They don’t like to make connections. Narcissists will make you feel guilty if you’re not able to perform whatever act they desire at the time.

I remember shortly after my hysterectomy, I was nearly bedridden, still had a toddler and two other children under the age of 7 to take care of. I was made to feel guilty because I wasn’t performing my wifely duties. When it was explained to the narcissist that you’re not supposed to have sex for 8 weeks, he flipped out and it became a huge issue that we fought about constantly.

The narcissist doesn’t respect monogamy either. If they have a need, they will find a way to fill that need, regardless of who it is with. They don’t see cheating as a problem, since they are just getting what they want, when they want, and how they want it done. It doesn’t matter to them who gets hurt in the process.

The shitty part here is that they will never admit they did anything wrong. They will look you straight in the eyes and not admit any wrongdoing or infidelity. To them, their cheating has nothing to do with you. It was about their need to get off. You will never get a narcissist to take any accountability for their actions.

6. They Love To Watch You Fight For Them

Narcissists will always try to find a way to put you at odds with someone else. It doesn’t matter if that person is family, a close friend, or just an acquaintance, they want to see you fight for their attention.

They will put you in a position to have to defend yourself in one way or another and just sit back and watch the show. This is why they don’t have a problem with cheating. Most women will initially fight for their man. This is a huge ego boost for the narcissist.

These are the moments they live for. It’s their high and it’s better than any drug on the market.

7. They Are Unable To Handle Criticism

Criticism to a narcissist is a huge slap in the face. Any time you point out something they did or are doing wrong, the narcissist takes it as an attack on their character. Even if your criticism is constructive, they will see it as a challenge.

This is because their ego is so fragile that they can’t process the mere suggestion that they might not be perfect. They are actually more insecure than most people realize. This criticism to the narcissist disrupts the core of who they are. Their self-worth is tied to these feelings that they are perfect beings and as soon as you say or do something that contradicts this, they are unable to process it at all. Narcissists think they are perfect in every way.

 

8. They Love Watching You Hurt

The narcissist loves to watch you in pain. Not necessarily physical pain, but they truly enjoy watching you hurt emotionally. One of their favorite statements is, “you did this to yourself.”

“you did this to yourself”

Your pain is their pleasure. It’s simple psychology really. Their self-worth is tied to their feelings of superiority, so watching another person hurting just reinforces what a superior being they truly are. After all, they never become emotionally hurt by anyone or anything. This just adds to their feelings of superiority. Watching you in pain feeds their ego.

 

9. They Lie

Their version of the truth is the only version. They are habitual with how they lie. It doesn’t matter how far from the actual truth it really is, they absolutely believe everything they think to be true.

They will fabricate details that never existed, or even details that aren’t remotely possible, and treat those lies as gospel. Then, they try to make you feel stupid because you don’t remember or believe that any of that actually happened. Often, they will use these lies to turn people against you. Then, it’s up to you to defend yourself against these lies. This is where the narcissist will try to make you look crazy, especially to other people.

 

10. They Are The Ultimate Victim 

sympathy is like narcissist cack

There’s never been a damsel in more distress than a narcissist. They will always default to being the victim in any situation. They will use this victim mentality to get something they want. Usually, sympathy in some form. Sympathy is like narcissist crack. They can’t get enough of it because it’s a very pure and honest form of attention. It’s the closest thing to love most narcissists will ever experience.

I feel like I could write about this topic indefinitely. I have years of experience dealing with narcissism, and I still have to deal with it today. If you see these signs in your own relationship, it’s time to examine what you really want and deserve in life. After all, you only get one, so you deserve to be fulfilled and valued.