10 Signs Your Relationship is Dead

Every relationship has its share of ups and downs. That’s just part of life. Sure you’re going to have days that the two of you are madly in love, and other days where you can’t stand the sight of them.

Sometimes, those days where you are crazy in love become more infrequent, and the days you want to do something that might get you 10-20 increase exponentially. Before it gets to the point where you have to start doing time and getting yourself ready for your new prison girlfriend, there are definitely warning signs that your relationship is over.

For me, I experienced each and every one of these personally…

Most couples will ignore many of the signs that things are getting rocky and just chalk it up to the roller coaster that a relationship brings. However, if left unchecked, these signs can build into years of resentment and when the relationship does end, it ends badly.

I’m not advocating that anyone shouldn’t try to save a relationship that both people truly feel is worth the effort and who are willing to put in the time to salvage. What I am saying is that there are plenty of signs your relationship might be already dead or dying.

Many of these signs are pretty universal. For me, I experienced each and every one of these personally before my marriage eventually ended. Maybe had I seen the writing on the wall, my divorce wouldn’t have been as nasty as it eventually ended up being. I could have cut things off before they really deteriorated into chaos.

10. Constantly Feeling Disconnected

The first (and easiest) sign to spot is that you feel disconnected from your partner. The quality time spent together, is few and far between. This can be when you stop dating each other and allow complacency to settle into the relationship.

You begin to live separate lives. You have your friends, he has his, and you rarely mix the two. Even when you do make the effort for quality time, you don’t feel connected to your partner. It’s more like two old friends just hanging out, instead of two people in love sharing the experience of a day or evening together. You never find anything to bond the two of you closer. Instead, your lives start taking separate paths.

Any sort of a abuse (mental, emotional, physical) can quickly cause this disconnect as well. After all, who wants to get closer to someone who is abusing them? I’ve said this before, but if your relationship becomes abusive, you need to get out.

9. Social Media Sleight of Hand

Most people have social media accounts nowadays, so it’s an easy place to post about your life. Ever notice the happy couple on social media and wonder if that was the truth or was there something else going on behind closed doors?

If you are posting pictures about happy times for others to see when you’re not actually happy at home, that’s a surefire sign that there are problems. You have to ask yourself, who you are trying to fool?

It’s a need for attention that drives this behavior. When other people like or comment on your post, its validation that everything is fine in your relationship. If acquaintances on social media are providing fulfillment (instead of your significant other) to your relationship, that’s a good sign it is in trouble. Your partner should give you all the validation you would ever need.

8. Recurring Arguments

Every couple fights. Especially in a long term relationship, you’re going to argue. You will disagree with one another. However, when you are constantly fighting about the same issues, that’s a huge red flag.

I’m not talking about the stress of money or children, but something more fundamental than that. When one partner is constantly nitpicking the other about every last thing, even the most trivial of matters, it’s a sign that the relationship is at its end.

7. Lack of Honesty

Trust is everything in a relationship. Once the trust is gone, you don’t have much of a foundation left to build a loving, healthy relationship. Lying to your partner is one of the quickest ways to lose trust.

I was lied to constantly in my marriage. There was a lot of new female “friends” that surfaced, especially at work or on social media, and I was told they were cousins or acquaintances and there was nothing to worry about.

In the age of the internet, it is very easy to be dishonest. Phantom dating site accounts and video chat apps make it very easy to be deceptive. For me, those were some huge red flags had I known about them sooner.

Anytime your partner is seeking the attention of someone else, odds are they will lie to you about the nature of the relationship. Once you run across one breach of trust, you can bet there are many more that you’re oblivious to.

Any dishonesty is a huge sign that your relationship is in trouble. Trust and honesty are the backbone of respect. Once a partner is able to lie, the respect is gone. When the respect is gone, you should be too.  

6. Communication Is Gone

Communication in a relationship takes effort. You should be able to have healthy discussions and healthy arguments. Those are signs of a solid relationship. Once you stop communicating with your partner, you are opening the door to other behaviors.

If they won’t talk to you, do you even have a relationship?

If they truly are your other half, then they should want to communicate with you and figure out any issues you might be having to find a solution or compromise. This is the part of the relationship where you feel that you just can’t do anything right. Your every effort or motive is scrutinized, and nitpicked until you feel you are unable to connect with your partner emotionally.

Often, people just stop giving a shit. They stop talking, even about the more mundane parts of their lives. This is a sign the friendship part of the relationship is in jeopardy. You should be able to talk to your best friends about anything and everything. Your partner should be your best friend. After the communication disappears, it has a domino effect into other aspects of your relationship. If they won’t talk to you, do you even have a relationship?

5. Everything Is One-Sided

When the relationship becomes one-sided, its not going to last. If your partner always wants things done their way, and never compromises, they aren’t being a good companion. Often, your feelings and thoughts get dismissed. Every good relationship needs this type of validation to survive.

You deserve to have your thoughts and feelings taken into consideration. That’s how a partnership is supposed to work. Both people working for the good of each other. If you are the only one trying to compromise, or putting in effort, that’s not healthy. Your relationship should have a give and take feel, so all parties needs are met.

4. Lack of Vulnerability

It’s tough to be vulnerable around your partner. You should be able to open up to them about anything. No topic should be off limits. Unfortunately, once you do make yourself vulnerable to them, they use this to further their own agenda. Often making you feel guilty or ashamed for opening up to this. This is a relationship killer. In a good relationship, both partners are able to be vulnerable because they feel secure that their partner has their best intentions at heart.

3. Intimacy Is Nonexistent

I’m not just talking about sex here. There’s so much more to intimacy than sex. Intimacy ties in with all the signs mentioned above. If you can’t have intimate moments with your partner, then you don’t have a strong relationship. Sharing a sunset, holding hands, kissing in public, flirting, pillow talk, confiding in one another are all signs of intimacy.

I didn’t mean to discount sex, however. Sex is a form of intimacy that should be equally as valuable in a relationship as other forms of intimacy. It’s a time for the two of you to connect and share your love in a physical way. If sex is no longer a part of your relationship, then it’s just about dead. On that note, if the sex is mechanical and lacking passion, that’s a huge red flag too.

2. You No Longer Enjoy Each Other’s Company

This is where you begin to socialize apart from one another. Especially if you find that you don’t want to be around their friends or family. This can be a little tricky, because we all know that our in-laws can try our patience at times.

If you are at a point where you are making excuses to get out of spending time together, your relationship is on the decline. Someone close to me always uses this analogy. He said that 80% of your relationship is spent at home together. If the two of you can’t have fun just sitting on the couch doing nothing, that’s a sign your relationship is in trouble. After all, I’m sure when you first got together, it was their company you valued as much as anything else.

For me, I stopped being scared at this point. I stopped crying. I stopped fearing the unknown.

1. You Have No More Fight

This seems intuitive, but when you stop fighting to make the relationship better, you have mentally checked out. This is where you need to listen to your instincts. Once you recognize this, it’s time to start making a plan to go. If you feel you can no longer put any more effort into the relationship, you need to start leaning on your support system.

For me, I stopped being scared at this point. I stopped crying, I stopped fearing the unknown. I wasn’t going to chase after anything that didn’t want to be caught. For me, that’s when I knew I deserved something better. I had chased in the past, but once I had no more fight, it just wasn’t worth the effort anymore. It was time to focus on me.

These are all warning signs your relationship is on the rocks. I’m not advocating for anyone to leave if that’s not what they truly want. What I’m telling you is to look for the signs that your relationship might just be gone. You deserve to live a happy life, whether that means alone or with someone who truly wants to share your life.