What Not to Do When Trying to Attract Women

We’ve all been there. you’re out and you see a beautiful woman who you want to meet. You get nervous, tongue tied, and can’t figure out an original way to introduce yourself. So, what do you do?

There’s a ton of dating advice out there, most of it involves playing some bullshit game. You need to “neg” her, or be the “peacock” who stands out from the crowd. So many of these dating gurus make their mint on finding new ways to get guys to trick women into thinking they are this image of the perfect, confident man.

The problem? It’s all games. Sure those things might work on someone who has had too much to drink or has low self-esteem. But what about a quality woman? What about those women who are beautiful, intelligent, savvy, and smart? I guarantee they won’t fall for some bullshit line or a ridiculous outfit that is obviously worn just to get attention.

…if you are trying to be something you are not, then you are going to attract those same types of women.

All too often men want to be something they are not. I don’t understand why you would want to be anyone other than yourself when you are trying to meet someone new. I’m not telling you to not overcome your shyness or social awkwardness, because let’s face it, that’s not going to get you anywhere. If you want a quality woman, you need to overcome these obstacles.

There’s the old adage that states you get back what you put in. This is true in dating and life in general. It’s all about energy. What you choose to project out into the world tends to reflect back at you. So, if you are trying to be something you are not, then you are going to attract those same types of women. What you get is a relationship founded on lies and deceit. That’s not healthy at all.

I know plenty of men will read this and say that you are being yourself and it’s just not working. That’s what I want to address here. If something isn’t working, then you need to find a way to figure out why it isn’t working. We’re men after all, we love to fix broken shit.

It can be very difficult to be introspective and reflect on what we are doing that might not be working. I know that’s a pretty hard pill to swallow. Take a look at what isn’t working for you and try to figure out a new approach.

There’s a concept called negation where you explain what something is by telling what it is not. I’m going to tell you what women don’t want in a man, so you can self-reflect and evaluate what you might need to change to turn your dating life around.

If you want a quality woman, then you won’t find one through dishonest channels.

Dishonesty

Women hate men who lie. It’s a simple fact. Sure, we all know that douchebag who can say anything to get a woman into bed, but odds are that guy is still alone. He can play all the games he wants to take a woman home, but when was the last time he had a quality relationship with a beautiful, intelligent woman? I bet it’s been a while.

Ultimately, you have to live with your own choices. Do you really want to be the guy who lies to women just to get laid? Or start a new relationship based on the person you are pretending to be? That just seems like a lot of unnecessary work.

If you want a quality woman, then you won’t find one through dishonest channels. You can forget about keeping a woman around who you tricked into thinking you were someone you aren’t. Hell hath no fury and all that shit. She’ll be gone sooner than you think.

I’m not saying be a completely open book from day one either. After all, women like a little mystery and men often think that being honest means opening the floodgates of honesty. She isn’t your therapist, so save the total honesty for after a relationship progresses.

Let me give you an example. I had a pretty bitter divorce and held quite a bit of resentment towards my ex-wife for a variety of reasons. When I started dating, I didn’t reveal the details of my divorce, or the true impact it had on my personal and financial life. Those weren’t details that needed to be shared right away. Had I shared those details too early, I probably would have come across as bitter, not the most attractive quality for a man.

You can be honest and trustworthy without being that guy who overshares. Some of those intimate details are best revealed at a more appropriate time.

Women are much better at reading emotions than men are…

The “My Ex Scarred Me” Guy

Let’s face it, this isn’t just for they guys reading this. For whatever reason, men tend to harbor more resentment towards their exes than women do. Let me tell you boys, nothing will dry a woman up like the Mojave than when dealing with a guy who’s been burned and wears his bitterness like a nameplate on his chest. You might think you have it under control, but it’s a transparent as glass and constantly boiling just under the surface.

Women are much better at reading emotions than men are, and they’ll be able to see that bitterness from a mile away. Shit, Helen Keller could probably read that. We’re not very good at masking those scars from past relationships.

Maybe it’s the passive aggressive way you talk about your past relationships, or maybe you are more overt than you realize. Regardless of how you react, that negativity isn’t going to help you at all.

Let me put it in context here. Would you want to be with someone who seems to have unresolved issues with their past or would you rather be with someone who had more of a loved and lost type of attitude? I know for me, I’d want to be with a woman who still believes that love is possible and beautiful, because it really is.

There are plenty of good women out there who won’t treat you like your ex did. This goes for you women out there too. There are good men who aren’t liars, cheaters, etc. Remember, you get back what you project out.

It’s never a good idea to talk about your exes in a new relationship, but let’s face reality, the topic will come up eventually. They way you talk about your past will tell a woman quite a bit about what she can expect from you in the future.

Women want a man who is excited about them.

Johnny Milquetoast

Please, please, please, don’t be boring or show a lack of energy. Energy is everything when you first meet someone, so if you seem like you are lacking in energy, you will turn her off quicker than those plaid pants you think are cool.

Women want a man who is excited about them. One who looks forward to their time together, and who will ultimately add something special to their lives.

A lack of energy to women tells them that you’re not interested, that they aren’t worth your time. If you’re not feeling your best, then it’s not the right time to think about meeting someone new. You have to learn to rally, and bring the best version of yourself to the table any time you want to meet a new woman.

This is really about the message you want to send. If you show enthusiasm and energy, that will be a big turn-on for women. We all like to be around someone fun and energetic, that energy is contagious and it will have the same effect on potential romantic partners.

Again, I’m not telling you to be someone you’re not. You don’t have to be the life of the party to have a positive energy. If you can show genuine interest in her and project out that energy and excitement for her, you’ll put yourself in a good place to meet a quality woman.

When you are energetic, you are more involved. That attention will go a long way in your dating life. You will show her that your time together is well worth her time and effort, because she sees you doing the same. She’ll be drawn to that energy and the best part is that you will too. You will be that version of yourself that you love being around, and it’s only natural that someone else will want to be around that positive energy too.

What he did wrong…was make the date all about him.

Not Showing Humility

Don’t be that guy who has to brag about himself or who talks about how great you are constantly. There’s nothing really attractive about that at all. Just because you are successful doesn’t mean that she wants to hear about how successful you are. There’s something women find attractive about a man who is humble.

If you feel the need to constantly brag about your success, your car, house, money, job, or whatever, it actually has the opposite effect. It’s ok to be proud of your accomplishments but make sure that you are tactful about how you approach the subject.

Sure there are plenty of women who would love to be pampered, but they don’t want to feel like they are being bought. It comes across as insecure.

I remember I had a friend who was telling me about the worst date she had ever been on. They guy was bragging about how much money he made, and even went so far as to take out his money clip and wave it around a few times during their date. He continued showcasing his vanity about bragging how his medication made it almost impossible to finish (sexually) which most women loved.

Since she is a quality woman, she wasn’t impressed by this at all. She was actually repulsed, and ended the date quickly much to the shock of her date.

What he did wrong, aside from the very obvious, was to make the date all about him. When you are starting to date a woman, you need to be humble and interesting. You already know about yourself anyway, so why not take the time to learn about her? Being successful, yet still humble and down to earth is a very attractive quality.

My fiance is absolutely beautiful. She’s smart, funny, and gets her fair share of attention from men. I caught her eye by being myself and making sure I learned about who she was as a person. No amount of money or status can break a solid emotional connection. So, make sure that you have your priorities in order when meeting someone new.

A great woman will see that passion…and she will envision herself being the focus of that type of passion.

Neediness

There’s a big difference between finding a partner in life and attaching yourself to someone who doesn’t seem to be able to exist without you. Women want a man who is as independent and they are, and are attracted to men who compliment their lives.

If you come across as someone who doesn’t know what to do with yourself without her, you are putting the wrong energy out there. This connects to the guy flashing his money from the example above. He was in need of attention and validation from my friend that he was a desirable partner.

Someone who is authentic and genuine will always trump someone who seems insecure and in need of attention. You don’t have to be perfect, just perfectly secure in who you are.

If she wants to go out to the club and dance with her girls, don’t make a big deal about it. You know she’s going to get hit on, but don’t let that get to you. Let her go out and have a good time, she’ll probably realize how lucky she is to have a good man like you in her life. Especially when the peacocks come slithering around.

When you make improvements to your life based on the goals you set, not to impress anyone else, you are approaching life with passion, not need. That passion is sexy. What you are doing is showing that you don’t need someone else to make you happy in life, but you want someone to share your life with. It’s a subtle yet profound difference.

Think about the perception of the person who lives their life with passion. They are not seen as needy. A great woman will see that passion for life and she will envision herself being the focus of that type of passion.

Regardless of your position in life, you should try to be the best version of yourself for your own happiness. Once you have that in place, you’re bound to find success meeting some amazing women out there who are looking for a man like you.