BrokenGirl’s Guide to Being a Boss Bitch after Heartbreak

We’ve all seen that scene from waiting to exhale where Angela Basset catches her man cheating and sets his car on fire. She walks away like the motherfucking boss all women want to be.

Recently, I’ve been talking with a listener from my podcast who is dealing with the aftermath of a breakup. She is a beautiful, intelligent, successful, and inspirational woman and mother. However, she doesn’t see any of this right now. 

She had been gaslighted into thinking that she was the core of all their problems. She was the psychopathic villain (in his story) that he needed to justify his mistreatment of her.  Every issue in the relationship, was her fault and she was supposed to take ownership of the whole shitshow. I feel her pain. I know exactly how she feels, and I needed to dig deep and examine the bigger issues at hand with men like that. 

Someone once said, “Sunshine every day makes a desert”

Imagine yourself completely heart broken. You want your relationship to work so bad you’re willing to do almost anything to keep the love of your life. Eventually, one person leaves the other in a state of despair. 

If you’re as old as I am, you’ve had your heart broken more than a couple of times. Unless you’re still with your high school sweetheart, or have never had a heartbreak…. kudos to you. I support everyone being happy. However, that old school romance is not in everyone’s cards.  

I have a point. I promise. Just follow me ladies (and gentlemen if you’re reading this too). 

See,  we’re meant to go through pain and we’re meant to love. Why? Those are two main components that make us human beings. Pain, grief, and sadness will humble anyone, right? Love and happiness will always be what we strive for everyday and is the ultimate feeling. 

Someone once said “Sunshine everyday makes a desert”. Think about that for a minute when your heart is broken the next time around, and you’re wondering why it is happening to you. 

Now this is where my point comes into play. Let me explain why we ladies are labeled as “crazy”. Like I always say. All girls / women are crazy, you just have to pick your special kind.

Above I talked about that bitter nostalgic moment when the love of your life ripped out your heart and did the Mexican hat dance on it. 

Felt like you couldn’t breath. Felt like your whole life was over. The world lost its color and food lost its taste. You know where I’m going with this. 

Some women are just too much woman for a man

Women are complex, indeed, and men are so simple. A simple google search will yield tons of literature about how different men are from women. The concept has been around long before Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus was ever published. 

It’s true. Men are very cut and dry. Woman have depth and density.

So when a man breaks up with his girlfriend because he found someone new, yet tries to hide the fact he found another victim to manipulate, he probably won’t actually speak the truth. He’ll hide behind that old cliched version of “it’s not you, it’s me “ bullshit, leaving the woman with that look on her face like “wtf just happened right now.” 

Don’t fall for that bullshit. 

Here’s something that you need to understand about men like those. Some women are just too much woman for a man. 

Too hard to understand

Too intense 

Too emotional 

Too smart 

Too bold 

Too beautiful 

You may be too much of something that makes a man feel emasculated. There’s something truly intimidating about a strong woman, even to other women. 

A man like that will automatically try to cope with his feelings by making the woman feel like less than a woman. It’s a defense mechanism for weak-willed boys hiding behind a man’s facade. 

The biggest mistake you’ll ever make is allowing any of that toxicity to absorb all the tenderness that makes a woman beautiful. These people only exhibit such classlessness to make it easier on them to carry the burden of not measuring up to the high caliber woman that you are. Which he will never find again. 

Never let any man get comfortable disrespecting you

When this happens, please know it is not his validation that you feel you need. In truth, the only opinion that really matters is your opinion of yourself. Often times, we are meant to feel degraded, downplayed, crazy, and that we would be nothing without them. This can be very damaging to your own self-image, and can transpose itself in your feelings of self-worth.

This can be one of the most difficult obstacles to overcome. I know that I was left feeling so insignificant that I never thought I’d crawl out of the emotional darkness that enveloped my life. I couldn’t have been more wrong. 

Once you realize that empowerment comes from within, then you will truly see your worth. You will realize that nobody can define you, and you don’t need a selfish little boy who only wants to keep you under control. Never let any man get comfortable disrespecting you. 

The best flowers aren’t restricted, they are allowed to bloom to their full potential. They are allowed to grow and stretch unrestrained towards the healing light. That’s who you are meant to be. That’s the version of you that you need to see every time you look in the mirror. She is inside you and itching to break free. 

When you are ready to have someone new in your life, you deserve a real MAN with a bigger heart and bigger hands to feel all the true gentleness of what makes you a beautiful woman. 

See, your value may be too much for him to afford. Any good quality MAN treats all the women in his life with LOVE, RESPECT and HONOR. The problem isn’t you sweetheart. The problem is that his ego may be bigger than his dick size.